life

In all honesty I have spent the last few months doing self reflection. Between UNI, fuck boys & giving up drinkinh my life has been an absolute fucking train wreck of excitement.

Who would have thought that studying to become a Charted Accountant / Human Resource manager / Finance manager / lets add a double minor in business law & Information systems in the mix, would be so hard? 
Despite Rearranging my minors and majors about 57 times I feel I nearly have my life sorted… Who am I kidding? I totally have no idea what the fuck I’m doing!

The excitement of knowing 4.5 years from now I will be way too fucking educated for life is pretty exciting. At least I’ll be able to say I’m multi talented, right? It is also exciting to know that prior study could be cross credited and I only have 1 more first year paper to sit after my exams! ekkkk!

My dating pool is slowly drying up… is this an age thing? do boys want the hotter younger model or am I just fucking mediocre? I likely will never have the answer to that question, however I have met a boy.. SCANDAL.

Auckland Boy as I like to call him. He drives me absolutely crazy, Disclaimer: like literally fucking bonkers. I am absolutely crazy about this boy, Everything about him just does something to me. I am unsure how I have met someone who just gets me mentally, physically, sexually and emotionally… That sounds so pathetic and soppy but uh… I’m not even sorry. However, we are in no way an item….

I guess I should share some form of insight about him. He is someone I have known for years but never shared an interest in…. until now. Hes a babe.. like actually. Everything he does is just perfect and he just gets me. Negative being he really knows how to grind my gears and winds me up… When I am around him though…. FULL BODY CHILLS. Plus the sex is absolutely fucking heaven. BEST SEX EVER.

Unsure why he went to university when he has like a degree in using his peen?

To finalize my Auckland boy stories we have decided we may continue the travel / meet ups and start jetting around New Zealand to see each other and keep it interesting. We had a fab time down south a month or so ago. We have also started skype sex.. I know – what are we? fucking twelve? To support that we made the investment of a we vibe 4+.. When it arrives I’ll share the details. Basically a vibrator (boyfriend) he can control from his iPhone from the opposite end of New Zealand. Too perfect – will keep the updates coming.

Life is crazy! I’m sure half of my town think I live elsewhere as it’s always quite a shock actually seeing me here. Sorry guys, I’m still here! I have however completely stopped going clubbing amd what not. This is my attempt at becoming a better person, sorting my fucking life out and actually finishing my 5.5 year degree, which guys I’m fucking 1 year out of. The lack of drinking has done absolute wonders for my health and I would definitely recommend it if you want to finish a few series on netflix! Kidding, just do it!

Although drinking hasn’t been completely culled it nearly has. I got really drunk in Queenstown and Auckland. I probably shouldn’t go into details with the chance of sounding lile an absolute desperado!

Auckland has been super fun! It’s nearly a second home. I have paid for about 7 more trips up there for uni and to visit all of my beautiful friends there! I am im absolute lust with the sky tower as well. Something about being on top of this busy city and just reflecting on everything. So empowering!

With a lot of my life changes i have noticed I have lost a lot of the friends who quite clearly cannot keep up woth my lifestyle. No hard feelings of course but I have sort of lost touch with a lot of the friends who I thought I couldn’t live without and a lot of friends who I had known for a long time. This isn’t a bad thing, I am actually really content with the friends who have stuck round through my rise and fall I had late last year and the struggles I had been through.

Health issues are sort of simmering down, however I will never be 100% again. They do say that God only gives the struggle to those he knows arw strong enough to come out the other side kicking.. (something along thosw lines anyway) I am embracing the new glasses and shitty eyesight that come as a result of my shitty health.

It has been an absolute journey and I am ready to get out of this 21st year and start my 22nd! Only a 2 months to go. I am so blessed to live the life that I live and I would never change it for the world.

Now I have done my vent for the day I am off to crack open the crisps and watch some netflix next to the fire. I will be back. Until next time x

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Sorry I fucked your boyfriend, I was bored.

Literally having a constant self battle between doing the right thing or continuing to be a self indulgent whore.
So in all honestly my life revolves around sex. If I’m not having it, I’m talking about it and if I’m not talking about it I’m likely thinking about it . It’s become like a hobby or a pass time. I may have to add it on to my personal interests on my Cv.

But back to the story.. This is a slight throw back Thursday but due to his reappearance in my life I feel I should come clean. It’s almost like being in a truth booth. You have my full truth and nothing but the truth currently. 

So a few years ago I met a guy called “kurt” who was actually quite good looking, conveniently now lives with “jake”, anyways so we were at the club and as you can all imagine I was steamed. Probably 15 tequilas deep at this time. I’d suggested going home with Kurt and he was totally into it. I literally go to the bathroom and vom then walk put struggling to cope with life when I think I’ve seen kurt but really seen sam… (in my defense they’re the same height, have the same hair colour and I was steamed)

I start walking home with Sam who was pretending to be Kurt and before we can even make it home were in the bushes of a school making out (yep, I’m classy and hadn’t brushed my teeth.) And before I know it I was giving him a blow job and waiting for a taxi.

We arrive home to mine and start ripping off each other’s clothes.. I really have no idea what happened until the next morning when I woke up and thought he looked slightly different to Kurt.

I then continued to have the best sex with him for the next 3 – 4 months. By best sex I literally mean multiple orgasms and paralysis for days afterwards.

Finding out months later that he had a girlfriend  was a shock and a slight heart break that I will never be able to hit that again.

Moral of the story being I still think about fucking him every day.. we still even send each other texts as friends and I literally can’t deal.

Some

days I feel like everyone wants to fuck me, other days I feel like I’ll never fuck again.

Come mine?

Seriously, it doesn’t matter if it’s 11.00pm on a Wednesday, 4.00am Sunday or 10.00 am on a Monday morning there is always someone trying for a booty call… or is that just in my life?

Between tinder, Facebook,  snapchat and texting I can hardly keep up with the male population who try booty call me. FYI lads – my vagina is bullshit!

My sex life at the current point in time is like old re runs of episodes of friends that aired in the early 2000s, it’s dry and could need a spice up. Note, this does not mean I am desperate nor does it mean I’m going to be taking any of these desperados back to my super king sex pad. 

I did most recently pash a guy I’d met off tinder but never ended up fucking. I think he realized how bullshit and overrated my vagina really was. There seems to be some local hype that surrounds my genitalia that to this day still really confuses me.

Ohhhhh in other vaginal news. I recently nailed Jakes brother. Long story short if Jake is allowed to sleep round then why am I not? Who cares if it’s his brother, am I right?

This doesn’t make me a slut nor will I ever be.. This is just 50 shades of being 21.

Sex and all its glory.

I shall now lay in bed for 2 hours trolling tinder x

Feeling 21

21 is such a fascinating age we’re all either engaged, studying, pregnant, traveling abroad or wiping ourselves out drunk in some sweaty creep infested club. If anyone had of told me when I turned 21 I would be single surrounded by friends who are all celebrating pregnancies and engagements, studying full time at uni, traveling around the world or wiping themselves out drunk to the point of no return, I would have laughed in there face. There is no way on earth I was suppose to be the single friend who’s life consisted of online shopping, one night stands,┬áleaving clubs at 3 am, tinder and a whole lot of future confusion.

Although it sounds all a bit tragic it really is the average life a 21 year old female faces when she lives in a small town in little New Zealand. We are all just trying to cruise through our 21st year in life and work out what the fuck we are actually doing with our lives.

So follow me on my journey in life and lets see if I can actually get my shit together.. Maybe one day? It’ll be interesting to see what the fuck I end up doing with my life.

For the purpose of the blog I have decided to rename everyone so they don’t ring and flip their shit at me when I tell you their deepest darkest secrets in life.

So first we have Jake, he’s a few years older than me. We matched on tinder after being introduced to each other via a friend. From that moment we were an absolute disaster, thats not even insinuating that nearly 2 years on we have even slightly managed to get our shit together. Our whole “being” so to speak is purely sex, we have the odd banter via snapchat but it is now purely physical. Not great sex but totally convenient when walking home from the club.

Also a reoccurring name for the blog Ana, purely because she’s my best friend and neighbor. We met while studying together 2 years ago, I later dropped out and she took the study further and does some nerdy IT shit – kinda chic? She was such an innocent wee soul when we corrupted her and dragged her half way down the country on a road trip and got her pissed. She has a “thing” with a boy but still totally single and this “thing” will not stop us from trying to set her up with anything that walks.

Then we have Ella who is a recent addition to my close friend circle. She has always been a friend or someone I had liked but now has become a really good friend. She has a boyfriend called Jason. They also live around the road from us and have a great relationship where he lets her come get wiped out drunk with us.

Brianna is a friend of mine who is absolutely amazing. We bonded over her break up with her boyfriend last year. Our friendship grew as I helped her get out of a shitty relationship and encouraged binge drinking and sex with strangers. Unfortunately for me getting nude at maccas, watching her piss her pants in the drive thru, sex with whatever we found at the end of a saturday night and helping snap each others nudes to tinder boys was short lived. Brianna is yet again OFF THE MARKET. I guess you could say I made that relationship happen.

One of my longest gal pals is Lorna, whom picked her fake name because she’s bloody fitness obsessed. She most recently dated a P head which made for amazing stories but that’s about it. Smoking meth is chic, right? She’s probably the only one of my friends who understands the single struggle with me. We’ve both had a long relationship/thing with boys who just happened to be flat mates (and not worth giving fake names) and then when they ended we bonded over being psychos and hating everyone who ever went in a 1 kilometer radius of them. Our friendship grew further with a number of failed flings including her one with the meth smoker and mine with everyone i’ve ever fucked.

It’s only fair the last person I feel I should add is my best friend in australia, Emma. She’s literally my life but in a put together sort of a way. She literally has both our lives on point and anytime I need advice I literally just viber her and get it. Oh and she’s basically married to Brent, he’s great to banter with also.

So i’ve completely missed everyone out but I thought I would only introduce a small amount of crazy for one day otherwise i’ll have no one to speak about any other day.

Until next time my dearest blog x